Identity Me

Going 90s, I like to compare Identity Me to 3rd Rock From the Sun. People, or in that show, aliens, who come to earth and live together in a household. They are not family, to become a family like humans. Taking in one of today’s fabs, I like to say it’s similar to the Big Bang Theory. That starts out with the friends already having a long history for others to come in and blend into their friend family. And one of my fav father roles is Aurthur played by Jerry Stiller in the King of Queens. Only in my show, the father is also a grandfather, not of the young couple but of a mother and her son. Taking a blend of these shows we have Identity Me. A 30-minute single camera sitcom.

Two strangers have their identities stolen by scammers and learn they are married, with a house in their names. This is the Golden Ticket! A chance for them to use it and change the lives they felt were stuck going nowhere. A mother struggles taking care of her teenage son, and a couple has lost everything in the LA wildfires. Worries are lifted moving into this house, and they are living their lives to the fullest. More than they ever could have imagined. As they get to know one another,

Incredible antics and real-life relatable situations with a comedic influence as everyone begins new better lives. The personalities clash, rub off, and even benefit each other week to week. Two scammers stole the identities of Lenore and Wally and married them. When the two find out, they clear their names to send the fakes to prison and move into a house that is in their names with their loved ones. Not have ever met or knowing each other, everyone learns to get along and become a true heart felt family with squabbles and opinions.

The theme of the show is a reflection on the lives of one's past, and where it brings them to the present, and how they grow into the future. The complexities of family relationships; the joys and challenges. Coming of age; life. Found family. Hope and Determination with love and support.

World

Having the show take place in Colorado, it will touch base with all the changes and challenges the state has had in the past decade with the legalization of marijuana. This led a million people to move to the state from all over the world. The once redneck and south of border Hispanic country mountain state overfilled with new age pot heads and poser hippies. Jobs became scarce and cost of living quadrupled.

Being on the outskirts of Denver provides better education and keeps teens away from temptations that is easily succumbed to in the country. These neighborhoods are safe and clean with emergency services available in minutes versus up to an hour. It is the heart of old and new for the evolution of Colorado. Everything is available and something for all social classes, religions, and lifestyles. Just drive 10 minutes if you don’t like the food and shopping to meet your desires.

Characters

Meet Lenore!

Lenore sees everything as the glass half empty and that it will be knocked over or worse the cup will shatter. A lot of this derives from her childhood and being neglected by her parents and then abandoned. Adding to it would be her ex-husband who cheated on her. The worse would be the numerous jobs she has had trying to take care of her son. Whenever she tries something new, like a 2nd or 3rd job, it always results in something bad for her to go right back to the same place she was of raising her son alone. She just wants to provide the best life possible for her son Thomas and prays he will go to college and live an even better before she reaches her 40s in a few years. Nothing will stop her! She is a rock after the life she had growing up and isn’t afraid to speak her mind about it. This can also be her downfall not thinking before speaking to cause drama and overthink things to create stress and chaos.

This is Wally

Wally grew up in a nuclear household as an only child used to getting what he wanted or his way without thinking of others' emotions and responses to his actions. This led him to live life seeing the glass half full. Driving him to want to fill the glass all the way and getting a bigger cup. Not learning to share, Wally is selfish with his own needs and not others. When facing situations or people in life, he is quick to use an idiom, metaphor, simile, or some form of expression. Often to avoid confrontation or not admit he has nothing to say or know what to say. Thinking material things and having the best of the best is what has fulfilled him and what makes him believe he is better than others. Losing himself in this goal to realize that is all he has by his 30s, he quickly finds something else he needs to buy or upgrade in denial that his life has no purpose or meaning.

Thomas is here

Thomas is 13 almost in high school. He wants his mom to be happy and feels pressured when she tells him he is her happiness. Knowing he will leave home one day, Thomas feels guilty that he will send her downwards into a worse state from her current stress and worries. To ignore this, he plays video games and listens to rock music. He has always wanted to learn the guitar! Instead, just air guitaring to music with his mom is fun enough. They have the same taste in lots of things. Where he knows his mom suppresses when he talks or acts like his father, such as how he laughs, and with him maturing into his teen years he is starting to look like his father when they first met. This makes him nervous at times about growing up into the men his mom resents. As puberty hits, he becomes rowdy, cocky, but still respectful towards people.

Here’s Charlie! Charlie feels bad about neglecting Lenore growing up and abandoning her. As his age catches up with him, he realizes he is alone. Some of his newfound nurturing is what he is wanting and craving. By giving this to Lenore and Thomas, he hopes they will return it back to him. Not letting his softer vulnerable side be exposed, Charlie is greedy and selfish to now see what Lenore has hated about him. It is hard for him to not start drinking without trying to see if Lenore was wanting him to pick her up after a date. This a regressed relived life the two never had a couple decades ago. At the same time, he can’t help but feels being a deadbeat is what made Lenore so great. He wants her to see the good from his bad. The least he can do is accept his age and provide wisdom, advice, and life experiences for everyone to make himself feel needed and useful.

This is Daisy

Diasy grew up as the middle child of 5. As soon as she could, she left home for college. She met Wally in her early 20s to still be with him a couple years later in her mid 20s. She likes having her own of everything and not having to share but can. She enjoys her solitude and quiet. That is why she smokes weed and addicted to social media and trying to be like them or better. The idea of going back to living with others haunts her. When forced or obligated, she finds out she misses her family a lot and the life she had. Too preoccupied with being someone opposite as she was, she questions which self she truly is.

Danny, people!

Danny still lives like a bro! Chuggin’ beers, watching sports, talking cars, bodily functions, and eyeballing women! His cheating on Lenore was blaming her for taking this from his life and wanted it back. He wasn’t ready to be a family man or boring old dad. Thinking he thought he missed out in life, his best fulfillment is enjoying it with his son.

A mini him. Yet, a mini-Lenore. A mini them. Making him want to live it out with Lenore as they did when they were younger again and with Thomas. Only to realize that ship has sailed and the more he tries the more he may lose. Being there for Thomas should be his priority in life. He wants to be a family with Lenore again.

The Gables, please...

The Gables live next door and were friends with the fake Wally and Lenore. They blame the real ones for losing their good friends. At the same time, they want to believe their friends were good and the real are bad. This influences them to pester, harass, and poke around in Wally and Lenore’s life to bug them as much as possible wanting to make their friends come back. Being retired and living a great life raising lots of kids and grandkids, they think less of Wally and Lenore for just getting a house and not working hard for it and keeping the sanctity of marriage as it is supposed to be.

Pilot

Lenore and Wally’s lives are blended together unexpectedly after scammers steal their identities and marry them. Soo much alike with their mannerisms, speech patterns, and technology preferences, yet, different at the same time with how they go about things, budget, and react in society. Millennials. Lenore sees the glass half empty, and Wally sees the glass half full. Together, they make one full glass.

When clearing their names of the frauds and sending them to prison, they learn they have a house in their names. Wally and Lenore tetter totter over what to do with the house. Lenore doesn’t want to break into this house, and Wally finds a key to state it is in their name, SS #, the only thing it doesn’t have is their piss and blood. Opposites. Searching the house to find documents proving this, they find a safe. The two agree to break it open. Balanced. After much failure, Lenore has an idea to blow up the safe using her culinary skills and smarts with items found around the house. She is now confident and taking charge for Wally to be cautious and trying to talk her out of it. Flipping sides. They succeed in finding the papers; obtaining the house to move in! Back to balance. The episode ends with Wally and Lenore disagreeing, to agree, argue, come to senses, and then split 50/50 as each episode will have them be.

Act One

We learn about the lives of Lenore and Wally, who think they are going change things to feel they have lost everything when their identities are stolen and scammers have married them. Coming out on top, the fakes are sent to prison and Wally and Lenore acquire a house that is in their names. They all move in together. Daisy isn’t accustomed to being with a mom and her teenage son. Thomas isn’t used to seeing his mom around adults. Everyone chooses different aspects of the house as their own, to share, and take turns occupying. Each of their personalities is presented for the others to take in.

Act Two

This is where our characters begin to rub off on one another and blend. They find each other supporting and giving or asking for advice. Now knowing each other better, they find themselves intertwining in their lives instead of dividing them. This is where Lenore was starting to be too comfortable and enjoying dating. For it to be ruined when her ex-husband in the picture being her son’s life and her father who wants to make up for the past. Wally is learning that there is more to taking care of a home and trying to find a life-long career and leave his dead end job. Daisy is starting to like the idea of having a son like Thomas and hinting to Wally about marriage and kids; where there life is going.

Act Three

Lenore is questioning taking Danny back. Thomas and Charlie team up to sabotage Lenore and Danny, to put Lenore back in that happy life she was recently living. Wally and Daisy have never been so in love and excited to start planning having kids. Daisy worries about trying to quit weed and Wally isn’t sure if his new job will be his career.

THE NEXT SEASONS!

Season Two, now that everyone is functioning as a family, they start to take on one another's personalities. Wally and Daisy were the one’s to go out and have fun to be staying home and planning their future and Lenore is going out and having fun. Thomas is learning he can be someone he never imagined and exploring different outlooks with the newfound parental figures other than his mom and his father and grandfather in his life. Lenore and Wally still fill a glass together to feel Thomas, Daisy, and Charlie are against them as the mom and dad of the house and them working their new jobs.

Season Three, Lenore finds herself between a guy she is dating and the family she now has. Wally and Daisy question if this is the right time for kids and think everything will go wrong. Thomas is choosing what he likes and doesn’t like even if it means disappointing people. Charlie feels he’s missing something in life thinking being a good dad and grandpa would bring him fulfillment. This is the season when everyone really feels close and together. Developing a need for one another.

Season Four, Lenore has a boyfriend! She is focused on him for it to catch up that Thomas will be leaving for college soon. Charlie is retiring and not sure if he’s ready to do nothing all the time to look for hobbies to keep him busy. Thomas doesn’t want to disappoint his mom for not wanting to go to the college she picked out. He has been learning the guitar to have a band and wants to go to a local college to keep practicing music. Wally is running the business side of Lenore’s restaurant and also helping Thomas get gigs. Daisy is struggling to quit weed so she can become pregnant.

Season Five, Wally and Daisy have a baby and are learning to be parents! Lenore is focused on her restaurant and thinks she found her soul mate! Thomas decides to stay at home and do classes online to allow him to focus on his band. Wally helps Danny open his own automotive shop with his equity firm and promote expansion of Lenore’s recipes. Daisy questions is she was ready to be a mom. She visits her parents to make excuses to not come home and be ashamed hiding her relapsed drug lifestyle. Charlie love taking care of the baby! This is his new hobby and his 3rd chance ready for Thomas to have kids. He also find balance in going to shady clubs that Thomas performs and being their to support him every step of the way. A balance in his past and current newfound self.

Wrap:

The uniqueness is two strangers being married by scammers to obtain a house! This also will show a life many wish they could have or have happen to them. When they were all down and low a blessing brings them back up and happy.

This is a turning point in everyone’s lives that could have gone south and scary. Being granted the ability to do the opposite is opposite.

At the same time, it will still have values, drama, and antics with the mix and match of everyone as many sitcoms have gave us for multiple generations in our lives.

Pilot Episode

IDENTITY ME (PILOT)

Written by

Cassandra Rose Buittner

A VVVViolaceousCreations

Academy of Art University San Francisco, CA

Writing for TV Series (Fall 2025)

Professor Karen DiConcetto

11/07/2025, 12/04/2025,

Northglenn, CO 80260

970-978-5248

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, COPYRIGHT @2024 VVVVIOLACEOUSCREATIONS @CASSANDRA ROSE BUITTNER. NO PORTION OF THIS SCRIPT MAY BE PERFORMED, PUBLISHED, REPRODUCED, SOLD, OR DISTRIBUTED BY ANY MEANS OR QUOTES OR PUBLISHED IN ANY MEDIUM, INCLUDING ANY CORPORATION. DISPOSAL OF THIS SCRIPT COPY DOES NOT ALTER ANY OF THE RESTRICTIONS SET FORTH ABOVE

Teaser

“SCAM HAMS”

TEASER

SCENE 1 INT. LENORE’S APARTMENT - MORNING

Lenore wakes up her son, Thomas, for school and makes him breakfast as he gets ready. Eggs and bacon with a glass of milk.

LENORE

The said it might snow, take your coat today.

THOMAS

Aw, mom. I hate stuffing it in my locker.

LENORE

I know. But, I don’t want either of us to get sick.

THOMAS

Yeah, but its Colorado. It’ll snow and then be 70 degrees later and melted the next day.

LENORE

I know. But, its Colorado and they may say it will snow 2 inches and we get 2 feet. Eat, and go to school. With your coat.

THOMAS

Ugh, March. Just 2 more months and its summer.

LENORE

Yes, and then you will say its too hot out. Eat, and go to school.

THOMAS

I’m eating. Think dad will take me camping this summer?

LENORE

Thank you. That’s up to him. You know I would if we could. But, that one summer of camping was enough for me.

THOMAS

I liked that summer. Although... I didn’t know we were homeless.

They both get sad and look away from one another.

THOMAS

You know what? Next year, I’ll be 15. I’ll get a job and take us on vacation!

LENORE

This year, you turn 14 and will start high school. A job seems cool and fun now. But, we’ll see how high school goes.

THOMAS

And the year after that I can drive!

LENORE

Yes! You can drive me to work and pick me up.

THOMAS

Ugh, mom!

LENORE

I know, I know. Mom’s not cool. Don’t be late for school and have a good day.

THOMAS

I will. Oh! Dad gave me $300 this month.

LENORE

Use it for lunch and yourself.

THOMAS

Thanks mom!

LENORE

You’re welcome, honey. I love you.

THOMAS

Love you too!

Lenore takes a shower and dresses in jeans and a t-shirt. She hears the front door open and close. She looks out the window to smile seeing Thomas carrying his coat.

LENORE

Aw... my boy. Growing up. He’ll be a man before I know it. Hopefully not like my piece of *Bleep* dad.

Lenore grabs her laptop and plugs it in at the kitchen table. She cleans up Thomas’ plate and glass. Logging into her laptop she looks at the calendar in the wall to see X’s over everyday. She gets up to mark an X and stare at today ready THE DAY in red lettering. She sighs to grab a key off the wall and exit the apartment.

SCENE 1.2 INT. FRONT ENTRY - MORNING

We see Lenore approach a cluster of mailbox units.

A door opens into the building and an old man walks in with snow flakes on him.

OLD MAN

Lenore! The lovely, luscious Lenore.

LENORE

For evermore.

They laugh.

OLD MAN

How are you darling? It’s that bi-polar Colorado weather. Left this morning with the sun out and 50 degrees. Now it’s freezing and snowing with no sun.

LENORE

You old man! I feel you plan this every month.

OLD MAN

Is that a bad thing? I may be old, but I like to bring smiles to people. Today you’re always down. I never see you going out. Getting dolled up. You look great just like that and I wish I could see you all glamorous for a man. You’re too good for most of dem’ out there.

LENORE

Aw. Thanks. I need that monthly encouragement. Better than the one that reminds me I’m a woman.

OLD MAN

And! A woman who loves her son. I saw him yesterday and sware he must be the right age to be taking care of you now.

Lenore places her key into the mailbox and leans her head on one of the boxes.

LENORE

Yeah... I know it. I just don’t know what sort of future I can give him here...

Lenore stands back and opens her mailbox.

OLD MAN

You know the answer to that. He has to choose his own life. You gave him life and keep him living. And by the way you raise him, I know he will be fine.

Lenore looks and smiles at the old man smiling at her.

LENORE

You’re right. As always! Now...

Lenore takes a deep breath and pulls out the mail. A handful of letters and coupons.

The old man beings to walk down the hallway and talks back.

OLD MAN

Bills, Bills, Bills. Back in my day, just one of our utilities could feed a family for a month and pay the utilities. Ha!

LENORE

Yep. And back in your day smoking didn’t cause cancer, TV’s weren’t smart, and people could pass the presidential fitness test.

OLD MAN

A-men! And that’s why I’m still ticking! Have a good one Lenore!

LENORE

You too!

Lenore smiles. The smile leaves looking at the bills in her hand. She returns to her apartment.

LENORE

If only this was a wad of cash.

SCENE 1.3 INT. LENORE'S APARTMENT - MORNING

Lenore sits at the table on her laptop opening and organizing the mail and bills. She has multiple cards out by her wallet and a check book.

LENORE

Let’s see... utilities: 32 for water, 22 for sewer, 25 for trash. 28 for gas, the I don’t know what CAM charge for 46, and the damned service fee for 6. There goes one whole day of works pay. Let’s see.. UGH (she sighs) $158 for our phones, $75 for internet, streaming and gamming totals 92, and we don’t even use all of that. 3 more days of working pays that. May as well do the big one now. 1475 in rent... Why did they have to legalize weed in Colorado? Before then, this place was $400 for a two bedroom. I remember. I knew kids from school who lived here on their own. Selling weed. I sware this is the same carpeting and everything. A dump. Alright, that is 2 weeks of pay. 275 for car insurance, 230 for car payment, 40 for my parking spot, and gas 5 times of $300. AND! My last credit card payment of $119.Leaving... $168...

Lenore smacks her head down on the table.

LENORE

That’s all that’s left... 186 hours working 2 jobs all gone in 10 mins. I did smoke a bit too many cigarettes this month.

Lenore stands and starts to pace.

LENORE

If we weren’t in Weld County, I would make $20 an hour instead of 15. I would, but the drive from Greeley to Denver is too far and would just be the same spending the extra in gas.

Lenore stares off up at the ceiling.

LENORE

Unless we moved to Denver? No! AHHH! *BLEEP* Denver and their homeless and immigrants on the streets.

Lenore screams and holds her head. She smiles, fixes her shirt and cleans up the table.

Act 1

ACT 1

SCENE 2 INT/EXT. LENORE'S CAR - EVENING

Lenore picks Thomas up. They drive to the grocery store.

Thomas is brushing snow off him.

LENORE

See, you needed the coat.

THOMAS

Aw, mom. You always do this. I-know.

LENORE

And, if I don’t do this, one day you won’t look back and call me up to thank me in a snow storm.

THOMAS

Why would I be in a snow storm without you?

Lenore smiles glancing at Thomas and back at the road.

LENORE

You’re growing up. You don’t think yu’ll live with yur mom forever, do ya?

Thomas is puzzled.

THOMAS

Well... I don’t know... I’m not in high school yet. I’m’a kid! I don’t ant to think of bills. This is stressful!

LENORE

I’m sorry. If you don’t like thinking of high school next year, then just think when I’m old and in a home.

THOMAS

I don’t like that either!

Thomas covers his face and leans on the car door and window.

LENORE

Okay! How about this! I-! Paid off my last debt!

THOMAS

But you still have bills, like rent and food.

Thomas sits up.

THOMAS

Is this why you let me keep dad’s money?

LENORE

Yes. And no. I hate your father, you know that, and hate accepting his money I would rather him spend on you and more time.

THOMAS

But he lives 3 hours away.

LENORE

I know! But. I want to see what you do with this. In fact! I only have rent and utilities to pay now. With food. No more other debts! Credit cards clean! My car... yeah I still have to pay for this. But! What I am saying, when at the store, pick something special out! A nice dinner for us to celebrate.

THOMAS

If you say so...

Lenore stops at a red light. She looks at Thomas.

LENORE

Hey... forget anything I said. just... let’s go shopping with a new momentum. Pick out a meal, something special, to celebrate with your old crusty mom, and be able to talk about with friends. Dif from the same ol’ same ol’.

Thomas smiles. He points at the light at cars honk.

THOMAS

It’s green!

LENORE

Yeah, but this ain’t no race strip!

THOMAS

Mom...

LENORE

What! Mad I can try and find interest with cars racing! Maybe that’s yer dad and my old life you don’t know of, huh?

THOMAS

Just drive us to the store.

Lenore and Thomas smile.

SCENE 3 GROCERY STORE - NIGHT

Lenore grabs a cart from the corral entering the store. Her and Thomas start on one side. They stop at the meat case.

LENORE

Did you want chicken or beef tacos this week?

THOMAS

Doesn’t matter. I think I know what I want. Look!

LENORE

Oh fudge. No.

THOMAS

But you said I could pick anything.

LENORE

Yeah, I meant more a ribeye. Not a $120 Tomahawk.

THOMAS

You said anything.

LENORE

I did... But that is more than what I was paying on my credit card each month.

THOMAS

What if I buy it?

LENORE

Thomas. You don’t need to do that.

THOMAS

I want to.

LENORE

Well... You’re dad will be mad if he found out.

THOMAS

The money is meant to feed me.

LENORE

I know... and... this thing will take hours to cook. I wouldn’t be able to make it for you tonight. Or even know how to without researching it.

THOMAS

Researching. Just say Google.

LENORE

I will use Google to research it.

THOMAS

Just say Google.

LENORE

Re-seearch. Research.

Lenore pokes Thomas.

THOMAS

Mo-m.

LENORE

Alright. If you want to use half your money to buy this Tomahawk. I will make it later in the week. I don’t know what my schedule will be like in the next couple weeks if it keep snowing.

THOMAS

How about I think on it.

LENORE

Your choice.

Lenore smiles and pinches Thomas’ chin.

LINDSAY

Look, it’s loser Lamenor.

LENORE

Oh god. Not tonight.

LINDSAY

Yes! I wish it could be every night. I never eat so well after seeing you.

Lindsay picks up the Tomahawk Thomas had and places it in her cart. She picks up another one to drop it in the cart glaring at Lenore.

LINDSAY

Only the best for my man!

LENORE

Because you only know how to do what a man tells you. and only pick on others because you hate yourself so much inside. Still. After 30 years.

LINDSAY

Why should I take care of myself, when I have a man do it for me.

LENORE

Sounds like an excuse.

LINDSAY

Sounds like you’re jealous!

Lindsay picks up some ground beef from Lenore’s shopping cart.

LINDSAY

Pre-packaged beef. Lame for the Lamenore. I always go to the meat counter to have it fresh! Every time!

LENORE

You have to have it fresh. By the time you get it home, it’s more spoiled than your kids and that cave between your legs you call a temple. Temple of the nothing good.

Lenore laughs. Thomas is confused and grossed out.

LINDSAY

Shut up! Lamenore.

LENORE

Is that your only comeback? Come on Thomas. I’m done with this.

LINDSAY

Running away! That means I win!

LENORE

Nothing to win. Just loosing my pride if I stay. Good-bye Lindsay.

LINDSAY

No. I get the last word. Look! I’m buying 3 Tomahawks!

Thomas turns around.

LENORE

Thomas don’t feed her stupidity.

THOMAS

I got this. Say, Lindsay.

LINDSAY

That would be Mrs. Parpkin to you boy.

Lenore turns around in anger.

THOMAS

Oh! Mrs. Parpkin. You’re Kelly Parpkin’s mom. We have a nick name for her, herpkin. I heard she was suspended from school due to her herpes and it was contagious just by using the toilets. She still isn’t back in school. I think you should just take that whole cart home with you.

People in the store are staring and murmuring.

Thomas laughs and pushes their cart fast down an isle.

LENORE

Thomas you shouldn’t have.

THOMAS

But mom, its true. And I hate that lady and how she talks to you. One of these days I will just deck her in the face.

LENORE

I have before. It doesn’t change. She will never change.

Lindsay is being asked to leave the store by employees and customers.

LENORE

But thank you.

Lenore hugs Thomas.

LENORE

I know you’re becoming a man. I can’t get in the way of that.

THOMAS

Aww, mom.

LENORE

(She lowers her)

Aww, mom.

THOMAS

Stop.

LENORE

Alright. Alright.

They finish shopping and leave.

SCENE 4 INT. WALLY'S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON

Wally comes home from work to wake Daisy who has been sleeping all day.

WALLY

Dase! Dase! Get up!

DAISY

I am. What are you all excited for. I just woke up. It’s a lot of energy for me to take in.

WALLY

I was right. With my check, I have enough to get a car! I’m going tomorrow!

DAISY

(yawns)

So, I can start taking lyft again and not the bus?

WALLY

Or, I can just drive you!

DAISY

Oh! That will be nice!

Wally crawls on the bed over Daisy.

WALLY

Do I drive you?

DAISY

Oh, you drive me! You drive me crazy if you don’t drive me.

WALLY

I’m gunna drive you good!

Lol

NEXT DAY

SCENE 4.1 WALLY’S APARTMENT - MORNING

Wally wakes up and gets ready.

He opens the fridge. He isn’t sure what is old or new to be smelling things and putting them back in to pick up something a 2nd time and just eat it. It’s old dried out pizza.

WALLY

This smells alright. Tastes... ok.

Wally takes a bus and train to a car dealership.

SCENE 5 EXT. PARKING LOT- MORNING

The old man waves down Lenore on her way to work. He got a credit card bill in his mail with her name on it. The unit numbers were wrong. She is baffled and said she just paid it off. Running upstairs she checks her card is not stolen. Opening the bill, she sees it is a newly opened account and figures there must be a mistake to call them on her way to work.

Lenore waves to Thomas as he heads to the bus stop and she walks to her car.

The old man rushes outside.

OLD MAN

Lenore! Lenore!

LENORE

What is it?

OLD MAN

This came to my box instead. Has my unit number and your name. I didn’t open it.

LENORE

If you opened it, you would have to pay it. Probably my finale statement. I paid it off last month. Thanks. I’ll bring you a plate for dinner.

OLD MAN

As long as it’s your cooking. I know you work at the restaurant tonight. I like your cooking better.

LENORE

So I am told by many. Wish I could have my own restaurant. Have to have dreams. Look, I gotta’ go. Thanks again for the letter.

OLD MAN

Anytime! Have a good day!

Lenore take the letter from the credit card company and throws it on the passenger seat. She waves to the old man before he walks back into the building.

SCENE 6 INT. CAR DEALERSHIP - MORNING

Wally walks around the car lot to sit in many cars. He looks at them from the outside and trunk space. A salesman walks up.

*could place in a goldey locks and the three bears refences of a car being not right, not, right, and just right.*

SALESMAN

That’s a great one right there! I can see you driving off in it today.

WALLY

I know your paid to say that. Show me some numbers.

SALESMAN

Right this way!

Wally sits down with the salesman to go over numbers for 2 cars.

*A joke scene may be added over comparing the cars*

SALESMAN

Alright. Let’s run your credit and get you on the road.

WALLY

Sweet! I can’t wait to have a car again. Damn GAP paid off my loan that was destroyed in the fire. Still left me with 3 grand to pay off and just now had enough saved up to buy a new one.

SALESMAN

GAP is great. Would you have rather had the whole loan left? I guarantee the insurance company would have claimed it total loss. And I hear they haven’t been paying out much due to the high volume and all those sillicon valley victims who thing they deserve all their fancy everything over someone like you who just wants a simple car.

WALLY

*Beep* those! They had money and should have had more for something to not effect them. That would be me if I was in Hollywood. Brag about everything lost and having a 2nd or able to buy it again or go to my other house in whatever country where my nicer things are at. Ha!

SALESMAN

I could cheers to that!

WALLY

Damn. I almost forgot that. Thanks for reminding me what I need to do before heading home.

SALESMAN

Anytime.

Wally waits and chats with the salesman as his credit is pulled.

SCENE 7 LENORE’S CAR - MORNING

Lenore opened the letter before going into work.

LENORE

What! Maxed out $5,600! No! I paid this off! My credit limit wasn’t even half that! I barely make twice that at this *Beep*ing job. This has to be a mistake.

She calls the credit card company to sit on hold. She smokes a cigarette waiting in her car.

LENORE

5 more mins. Ugh. I hate clocking in late. I suppose if I have to.

CREDIT CARD OP

Hello, my name is Nadien number 7412. May I have your first and last name to pull up your account.

LENORE

Yes! Lenore Loucer-Tanton.

CREDIT CARD OP

And your birthday?

LENORE

September 2, of 89.

CREDIT CARD OP

And finally mam, the last 4 numbers on the card or account number.

LENORE

The number on the account is 732268127828. Wait a min.

CREDIT CARD OP

Is that not the number?

LENORE

Well, that’s what it says here. But, I swore my account ended in a 9.

CREDIT CARD OP

Give me just a moment while I look into this.

LENORE

What the hell! This is a new account! This is wrong.

Lenore waits and reads the letter over again.

CREDIT CARD OP

Well Miss Lenore, it looks like the account number you gave me is the one you and your husband opened up last month. I do have on file the account with just your name on it you paid off last month. I can send you new cards with your new name on them.

LENORE

Wait? My husband? I divorced him years ago. This must be a mistake.

CREDIT CARD OP

Lenore and Wally Sheermore. Married February 14th of this year. If you think this is a mistake and fraud I can connect you to the fraud department.

LENORE

Yes. Wait. I have to go into work. May I have the number and call them when I have time?

CREDIT CARD OP

Yes, of course. The number is 1-888-555-4312.

LENORE

Thanks.

CREDIT CARD OP

Now, is there any further questions I can assist you with today.

LENORE

No. Thank you.

CREDIT CARD OP

Alright, thank you for calling the credit card company Lenore. I am Nadien. If you could stay on the line when I hang up to answer a brief survey and tell me how I did, I would greatly appreciate that.

LENORE

Sure.

CREDIT CARD OP

Thank you! And thank you for calling credit card company customer support. Thank you, have a good day. Bye.

LENORE

By.

The survey begins.

Lenore gets out of her car.

LENORE

*Beep* the survey. *beep*! All this *beep* great. How can they say I am married to a Wally? This is a mistake. I don’t need this. I just got rid of one negative and now have something 3 times worse that is probably going to get worse. I can feel it.

Lenore walks up to the store.

SCENE 8 INT. CAR DEALERSHIP - MORNING

Wally sits with the salesman.

SALESMAN

Oh boy.

WALLY

What? I can get a sports car?

SALESMAN

No. I’m sorry to tell you, but your application has been denied.

WALLY

Denied? Why?

SALESMAN

Says here you’re at your credit limit. You never said anything about just buying your wife a BMW a couple weeks ago. The loan is too new for us to approve a secondary.

WALLY

Wife? I’m not married! My girlfriend barely gets out of bed. This can’t be right. Maybe you typed something in wrong.

SALESMAN

I can print out the report for you. But, we can not approve anything at this time.

WALLY

What the *beep*!

SALESMAN

Sir. I will have to call the police if you aggress any further.

WALLY

Fine. I’ll get to the bottom of this. I am not married and you didn’t do your job right.

SALESMAN

Or you’re trying to swindle me or are pretending to be Wally Sheermore. Either way, you will not be driving off this lot today in any of our vehicles. When you find things have changed, then come back and try again. There is nothing more I can do for you today.

WALLY

Yeah, yeah. No sale from me, so you need to go penny pinch the next.

Wally walks away from the desk. Before exiting the building another couple was walking in.

SALESMAN

Welcome! I can see you driving off in a (CAR WALLY WAS TRYING TO BUY) How can I make that happen.

Wally looks back angry and storms off.

SCENE 9 INT. WALLY'S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON

Wally walks into his apartment with a sad defeated look. Daisy was excited to leap into his arms.

DAISY

What kinda’ car did you get?

WALLY

Uhh...

Daisy pulled away from her hug to look at his face?

DAISY

Uhh? What happened?

WALLY

I-uh-I didn’t get a car.

Wally grabs Daisy’s hands to pull her to sit down.

WALLY

Apparently... and I am completely mind-*beeped* over it. Apparently, I’m married and just bought a car recently.

DAISY

What?

WALLY

Yeah. There was nothing I could do. I have to figure out how to fix this. I mean, I would never date anyone named Le-nore.

DAISY

Lenore? In what city!

Daisy stood up fast to look around and take her phone off the charger.

WALLY

Somewhere in a Gream-lee Colorado. I have never even been to Colorado.

He gets up to place his hands on Daisy’s shoulders and look her in the eye.

WALLY

If I had ever been, you would of been right there by my side. This must be fraud.

DAISY

Aww... I know.

Daisy kisses Wally. She steps back and holds her phone up.

DAISY

And I will do all that I can and know how! See if she can hide from me! Let’s see...

Daisy sat on the couch to start a search on social media.

DAISY

That didn’t take long. There is only one Lenore in Greeley, CO that popped up. I’m guna’ call her right now!

Daisy calls Lenore to get her voicemail.

DAISY

Listen here, you-you bitch! Whatever scheme you got going on it about to end! How dare you take advantage of my perfect Walls! You will be arrested and everything you own will be ours! *beep* you , you *beeping* god *beep* *beeping* cunt *beeping* whore *beep* face of a slut! I sware! You better hope to never meet me in person! *Beep* you! We’ll see you in court! *beeping* bitch *beep*

Daisy smiles as she hung up.

WALLY

I love you!

Wally embraces Daisy and they kiss.

SCENE 10 INT/EXT. LENORE'S CAR - NIGHT

Lenore picks up Thomas from his friends house.

LENORE

How was your day? Anything cool and exciting happen?

Thomas glares at his mom as he buckled his seat belt.

THOMAS

What happened?

LENORE

What?

THOMAS

Mom. Just tell me the truth. I can tell, something is wrong. Anytime you use cool it either means your avoiding something or are trying to be cool with me. And this is not trying to be cool with me.

Lenore sighs...

LENORE

Ok... Something did happen. But, nothing because of you or me. I was trying to benefit both of us. And...

THOMAS

And...

LENORE

I was sent a new credit card bill that is maxed out claiming i am married to some Wally dude and now my credit is *beeped*

Lenore blurted out and started to drive of trying to ignore any follow up questions and responses.

THOMAS

Wow...

Thomas looks at his mom.

THOMAS

I mean... I didn’t expect that. I know your not married. Do you think, like, we could sue this bastard!

LENORE

Language!

THOMAS

I’m serious! You divorced dad years ago. You haven’t been married or even gone on a date.

LENORE

I can get dates!

THOMAS

No, mom! I am saying we should try to use this. We should find this Wally guy and we know we are innocent and put it all on him to help us.

Lenore stopped at a light to look over a Thomas smiling.

LENORE

I-...

THOMAS

We! We, mom.

Thomas grabs his mom’s hand. He sees her phone flash in her purse.

THOMAS

You got a notification.

LENORE

Yeah... a voicemail.

THOMAS

You should check it.

LENORE

I look. But, it wasn’t from you or anyone I know or expecting. So, it can wait.

THOMAS

I’ll check it.

Thomas takes Lenore’s phone. He plays the angry voicemail from Daisy.

THOMAS

Whoa! You were telling the truth.

LENORE

What’s that suppseed to mean? That IO would lie to my own son?

THOMAS

Not brining up Santa Clause, the Easter bunny, or tooth fairy, I sort of thought maybe you were leading me astray.

LENORE

Leading you astray?

THOMAS

Yes. I listen to you when on the phone with your friends. Let me see...

LENORE

See what?

Thomas typed in a phone number on his social media.

THOMAS

Look! I took the number from the voicemail. It pulled up this Daisy. And look!

Thomas shows his phone to his mom.

THOMAS

A Wally is tagged in some of her posts. Wow... They lost everything in the LA fires.

LENORE

Oh...

THOMAS

Looks like they have been struggling...

LENORE

Now why would you tell me that...

THOMAS

What?

LENORE

I don’t think they are behind this scam *beep* They look like good folk caught in my web of mess.

THOMAS

Good folk? What are you? Great Gram?

LENORE

Thomas!

THOMAS

Sorry. At least we can put a face to it. What are you going to do now?

LENORE

I don’t know... I have to make some phone calls in the morning.

SCENE 11 CONTINUOUS

Wally and Lenore make many phone calls.

They both obtain information that claims they have a court date coming up at Denver City Courts over a party suing them for fraud.

Both make arrangements and plan to attend with the intentions to put the other away and benefit themselves.

LENORE

*beep* courthouses. Last time I had to do jury duty. Does a jury really make a difference?

Lenore spoke to Thomas.

WALLY

*Beep* courthouses. Last time I was in one, it was for *beeping* stupid ass jury duty. My *beeping* self didn’t make a difference for the obvious.

Wally spoke to Daisy.

Lenore and Wally both marked calendars on the wall.

Act 2

ACT 2 (14-15 PAGES)

THE NEXT MONTH

SCENE 12 - INT. COURTHOUSE - MORNING

Wally and Lenore arrive at the courthouse. They entered at the same time not knowing who each other was standing in line going through security.

We see them banter and laugh.

SCENE 13 INT. COURT CHECK IN - MORNING

Lenore checks in first, for her to be pulled into a room.

Shortly after, Wally is pulled into the same room.

LENORE

I guess two minds are placed alike.

WALLY

Maybe... I don’t unerstand. They said I checked in already.

LENORE

They said my information was prior.

WALLY

I don’t get it. I am here to clear my name of someone claiming me to be married and scamming people.

LENORE

What! I am here to prove I am not a fraud and being used!

WALLY

This is *beeped*

LENORE

Wait...

Lenore looked over Wally to realize he is Wally! She seen him on Daisy’s social media.

LENORE

Wally?

WALLY

Yeah, wait? How did you?

LENORE

I’m Lenore.

WALLY

What the *beep* You’re the!

LENORE

Wait! Please...

WALLY

Oh no, no, no!

LENORE

I think we are both victims.

WALLY

And why should I trust you! *beep* was it true you have a son and here to make sure he has a good future? Or was that some coax to ruin the little I have now?

LENORE

It was the truth! I want what is best for my son! I want to fix this chaos.

WALLY

Well! I have words for you!

Wally gets close to Lenore pointing in her face.

The door opens.

MR. GABLE

I don’t understand.

COURT OFFICER

Just wait here. All of you are placed here for security reasons. We will be with you shortly.

LENORE

Yeah... *beeping* scripted robot.

WALLY

*beep* their security

MR. GABLE

Well, I think we all have been put here by mistake. We just have to wait as they say.

Lenore and Wally shrug and murmur to themselves as they all take a seat.

Some time passes.

WALLY

God, when will this end!

MR. GABLE

Hush, all in good time.

WALLY

Yeah, easy for you to say old timer.

MR. GABLE

Old timer. Hahah, when I was your age-

LENORE

When you were our age, there wern’t cell phones and internet.

MR. GABLE

True, but we found the best way-

LENORE

Shhh! I mean... I’m Lenore.

Lenore held her hand to shake Mr. Gable’s.

MR. GABLE

Alex.

Wally refused to hold his hand out and then did to shake both Alex and Lenore’s.

WALLY

Wally.

LENORE

Lenore.

Mr. Gable laughs.

MR. GABLE

No. This must be a joke. I am here to defend my good friends Wally and Lenore. My neighbors.

LENORE

This is your fault!

WALLY

*beep* you!

Lenore and Wally corner Mr. Gable.

The court officer enters.

COURT OFFICER

Well, you are the real and cleared of all charges.

LENORE

What charges?

COURT OFFICER

More information will be provided shotrly. All I can say is your you.

MR. GABLE

This must be a mistake!

COURT OFFICER

Please! Stay calm and we will be with each of you individually, soon.

LENORE

*beep* this.

WALLY

I need answers.

MR. GABLE

This is wrong!

The door is shut with them all in the room.

SCENE 14 INT. COURTHOUSE - PAST NOON

Wally and Lenore obtain all the information possible to clear their names. They are informed they are legally married and have a divorce settlement pending. Both agree to visit the lawyer and become divorced.

SCENE 15 INT/EXT. LAWYER'S OFFICE – AFTERNOON

Lenore and Wally go to the lawyer's office to get divorced.

Lenore paces outside smoking a cigarette as Wally was inside trying to get them in.

Wally came outside with a smile.

LENORE

Alright! Let’s go inside and get divorced!

WALLY

Yeah, I always thought if I got married without knowing it would be in Vegas, like the Hangover movies status.

Lenore and Wally enter the building. They sit and wait to be called into the office.

CLAIR

Hi, my name is Clair. Have a seat.

Wally gestures for Lenore to sit down first.

CLAIR

Let’s see... Ah, your file. Looks like the asset in question is 11278 Gaylord St. Thornton, CO. Do you have the divorce papers finalized so we may proceed?

LENORE

(puzzled)

Who gets the house?

CLAIR

It looks like it’s yours and the contents of the safe go to Wally.

WALLY

Could you excuse us for a moment.

Wally pulls Lenore out into the hall.

WALLY

A house? You're suing me for a house?

LENORE

I don’t know anything about a house. I thought we were getting divorced.

WALLY

We can keep the house.

LENORE

What? It’s not our house.

WALLY

But if it is in our name, its ours?

LENORE

Well... maybe. What are we supposed to do? The fake Wally and Lenore did this and we are the real ones?

WALLY

Exactly! We are the real ones! I say we go check this place out.

LENORE

I don’t know. What if we get caught?

WALLY

What’s to be caught for? If anything we will just tell the truth it was those scammers and add it to that other heap of mess we got out of. Look... when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. You just want to throw away the lemons? I’m thirsty. I want to drink that lemonade.

LENORE

When you put it that way.

WALLY

Yes!

Wally grabs Lenore’s hand to hold it and walk in smiling.

WALLY

Hi, I’m so sorry. The past few weeks have been all over. Is it possible to make a new appointment? I mean, if we don’t get divorced we could just stay in the home.

CLAIR

It’s entirely up to you. The home in question was martial property. You agreed on the contract. It can easily be revoked if you have a change of mind.

WALLY

Clair, you sweetheart. Let me woo my lady here to make her fall in love with me all over again.

(He leans toward Clair whispering)

I think she may just of been hormonal. Menopause or whatever. I am having a mid-life crisis. Let us just think this over longer.

CLAIR

It’s your decision. You can reschedule the secretary. I am fine with whatever choice you make.

LENORE

Is there a copy of that I can read over?

CLAIR

Yes, I can email it to you.

LENORE

Oh, great.

Lenore is worried.

CLAIR

I have LenoreRulez889

LENORE

What! I mean, its only 89. Not 889.

CLAIR

Alright. Easy fix. I would check that all your contact info is correct before you leave. If you don’t have any other questions, I have a hectic schedule today filling in for Mr. Gavel.

LENORE

Yes. Of course. Thank you for your time.

SCENE 16 EXT. LAWYER'S OFFICE – AFTERNOON

Lenore and Wally walk out of the office.

WALLY

Can you believe it! A house!

LENORE

Can you believe those damned scam hams were using my exact email with 1 extra number!

WALLY

Yeah, that does suck. I hate all this technology crap we have today. Makes things too easy. I know I sign up for every app for everything everywhere.

LENORE

I’m scared to find out what else they’ve done. If anything bad happens, its your fault.

WALLY

Nothing bad’s guna’ happen. Unless someone’s in the house and going to murder us and skin us for the fakes to wear when they break out of prison.

Lenore glares at Wally.

WALLY

It was a joke. I’m sorry.

LENORE

Not the time for jokes. Here, let’s go.

SCENE 17 EXT. THE HOUSE – EVENING

Lenore pulls up to the house slowly.

LENORE

Where should I park?

WALLY

It’s a neighborhood, wherever the *beep8 you want.

LENORE

I meant, do you think it’s ok. Right outside?

WALLY

Nobody owns this parking spot.

Wally tries to open the door. It is locked. He unlocks it manually and Lenore locks it.

LENORE

Wait!

WALLY

What’s the matter? It’s our house, sweetums. What’s the big deal?

LENORE

Sweetums? No. It’s the scam ham’s house and in our names. What are we going to do, ring the door bell and be let in? Hi this is our home, get out?

WALLY

No. Yes. I don’t know. Come on, let’s go.

Lenore and Wally walk up to the porch.

They knock on the door and ring the door bell.

WALLY

See. Nobody’s home.

LENORE

Not yet. Who knows how long it will take for the fakes to show up.

WALLY

They went to prison! We cleared our names. Now, we get to take what is rightfully ours.

Lenore was looking in the window as Wally lifed the door mat, swiped around the door frame, and began to dig around in the planters.

LENORE

Sure look nice in there. I have a bad feeling. I think we should just-

WALLY

Bingo!

LENORE

What? No!

Lenore looked at Wally as he cleaned soil off a key and placed it into the doorknob.

LENORE

That’s breaking and entering!

WALLY

It’s finder keepers, the losers are weepers. This is our *beeping* house and we have a key! Let’s prove it.

Wally opened the door. He pushed it opened to toss the key to Lenore and walk in.

The two stop in the entry and gawk, admiring.

SCENE 18 INT. THE HOUSE – EVENING

Wally and Lenore look at one another.

WALLY

How bad do you want to live here?

LENORE

Bad!

WALLY

Then-

LENORE

Search the *beeping* place!

The two spend hours searching all over with caution and being in aw of how nice of a home it is with the items within it.

SCENE 19 INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The doorbell rings with a loud knock!

OFFICER PARKER

Police! Open up!

Lenore and Wally ran to the living room.

LENORE

What do we do?

WALLY

It’s our house, we haven’t done nothin’ wrong.

LENORE

Fine.

Lenore opens the door.

LENORE

Hi!

OFFICER PARKER

I was called over a break in to Wally and Lenore’s home.

LENORE

I’m Lenore.

WALLY

And I’m Wally. Look, here’s my driver’s license.

OFFICER PARKER

There is confusion. If you are Wally...

WALLY

I am. And I would like to know who called in such break in?

OFFICER PARKER

That information is private. Possibly an anonymous tip wrong-

WALLY

Well, I can assure you, we have had quite the day and know exactly the confusion you are having. Now, unless you havea warrant or proof we are not Wally and Lenore, it is late and we must be getting to bed.

OFFICER PARKER

I will check the call. Most likely, I will be back with that warrant to arrest both of you tomorrow.

LENORE

Got it. Thank you. See ya’ then.

Lenore closes the door. She and Wally watch the policeman walk to his suv.

LENORE

Oh, my, god! What do we do!

WALLY

What we came in here to do! Find that *beeping* proof!

LENORE

Like what?

WALLY

I don’t know. Anything document. I looked all over though.

LENORE

Me too... wait!

WALLY

What?

LENORE

The lawyer. She said I got the house and you go the safe. Did you find one?

WALLY

No... Let’s get creative! We have to! AHHRGH!

Wally went to the bookshelf in the living room and tugged it away from the wall to fall to the ground.

LENORE

Wally!

WALLY

Look!

LENORE

Wally!

WALLY

Yeah, I know!

The two look at as safe built into the wall.

LENORE

How do we get it open?

The two look at each other.

SCENE 20 INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Wally and Lenore each try different combination related to them and both of them.

After failure, they both take things from the garage and shed trying to open the safe.

Both start using furniture and other items from around the house.

They fail.

Act 3

ACT 3 (14-15 PAGES)

SCENE 21 INT. LIVING ROOM - PAST MIDNIGHT

Lenore and Wally face defeat.

Wally is pouring wine into two glasses as Lenore sits down and massages her temples.

WALLY

Well, I give up.

He takes a seat and chugs his glass to pour another.

WALLY

We’re going to need lawyers and who knows what else to get this chunk off our credit. No-way am I signing any divorce if it is leaving me with more bills and crap I can’t use.

LENORE

Hey! I’m not happy either. Wait.

She looks at Wally drinking.

LENORE

What is that?

WALLY

I don’t know. The label’s blurry to me already. At least I can enjoy the booze if this is going to be the end of me changing anything in my life. I wish things could go back to before the damned LA fire.

LENORE

Aw man...

Lenore skooched down the couch to grab the bottle and pour herself a glass.

LENORE

Mind?

WALLY

No. Why I brought the other glass.

LENORE

I bet losing everything in that fire must feel like *Beep*.

WALLY

You have no idea.

Wally sat up and placed his elbows on his knees leaning toward Lenore.

WALLY

Just when I thought things could get better. No more sweating on the train or getting sick from others on the bus. Boom! Suddenly I’m married, didn’t get a bachelor party or honeymoon, and now there is this nearly million dollar home with all this stuff in my name I don’t even get to enjoy.

Lenore chugged her drink and to pour more.

LENORE

Yeah... I mean...

Lenore slouches back holding her glass.

LENORE

I guess, I will always have my son. I paid off a credit card to think having an extra $100 a month would be great.

She sits up and drinks her glass to set down on the coffee table.

LENORE

I looked up this place and neighborhood. No way I would ever be in something like this. All my life I’ve barely lived in something bigger than this living room and kitchen.

WALLY

Whoa! I’m sorry. Wow.

Wally stood up.

WALLY

Does this mean, like, since we’re married and all, that your son is, like my son?

LENORE

By law. Don’t worry. I’m not going to ask for money or anything. We can just divorce and try to fight everything as best we can and pretend none of this happened.

Lenore stood up holding the glasses full.

LENORE

I have nothing to loose. By the sound of it, you don’t really. Oh... I didn’t mean it like that. What I meant is, we can’t get better, but we are still us? Um... no.

WALLY

Thanks Lenore.

He takes his glass.

WALLY

You know what? How about we toast! Toast to that stupid *beeeping* *beeping* god *beep* safe! *beep* whoever invented it doing its job to keep others from entering it!

Wally was shouting right at the safe. He smashes his empty glass on it.

WALLY

You want more! Well *beep* you! I don’t know what else to do! I tried everything in this house except running you over with a car or a god *beep* bomb!

LENORE

Yeah!

Lenore walked to the safe.

LENORE

*beep* this safe! *beep* you *beep* you *beep* you! If we had more time, oh!

Lenore stood to face Wally.

LENORE

If we had more time, I bet we would get it open. I know we tried all day, just us, but if we could research it or-or-or research safe cracking. Or...

Lenore looked away.

LENORE

Called my ex husband... he could weld it open!

WALLY

A weld? Huh? I don’t think any over the counter would work or it would take all day melting it.

LENORE

Exactly!

WALLY

Yes!

The two look at the safe and sigh. They walk opposite ends of the ouch to sit.

LENORE

Well... we tried.

Wally poured more alcohol.

WALLY

Yeah... cheers to you Lenore. The bitch I never knew and will use as an excuse the rest of my life.

LENORE

Ditto. Cheers to the bastard who ruined my life, again, as men do.

They clink glasses and drink.

THE NEXT DAY

SCENE 22 INT. THE KITCHEN - DAWN

Lenore wakes up to make bacon and talk with Thomas. Thomas gives her the idea of bacon grease and flour. When he asks what was the thing you said never to put on grease. Lenore laughs manically. She is now tasting victory in the words of Wally. Wally is freaking out when Lenore says she is going to blow up the safe and thinks its a bad idea. Wally has the fire extinguisher in hand. Lenore gets more bacon grease and thinks of her cooking training. She says do not, but this time will. And causes a grease fire explosion. Wally puts out the fires that started. The safe opened enough for the two to use a crowbar and pry it open.

Lenore woke up on the couch. She looked at Wally passed out in the recliner.

LENORE

Aww... Thomas will be hugging bottles like that soon. Just like my parents. Or me... But not my parents. And... me.

Lenore found her phone to walk to the kitchen. She opens the fridge to find bacon and begin to cook it and call Thomas.

LENORE

Thomas! I’m sorry I didn’t text you back last night. Mommy got a bit... uhh....

THOMAS

Excited! Confident!

LENORE

Wel...

THOMAS

Drunk. But not like Grandpa.

LENORE

Not like Grandpa. But, yeah.

THOMAS

So, I take it you didn’t get the safe open? And we don’t get to move into the house.

LENORE

No honey. I’m sorry.

THOMAS

Well there must be another way. There has to!

LENORE

I’m sorry. We did all we could. We’ll be lucky to get this all straightened out- OW! *beep*

THOMAS

What? Was that bacon grease?

LENORE

Yes. You know how it loves to tell me its the boss and leave its mark before its end.

THOMAS

Yeah. Too bad you can’t put flour or whatever on it and make that safe explode as you told me to never ever do so many times in life.

LENORE

Well, yeah because a grease fire and explosion is very dangerous. So danger-

Lenore stopped talking to look up at the camera.

LENORE

YES! HAHAHAHAHAH!

THOMAS

Mom? Are you okay? What’s so funny!

LENORE

Bacon! Talk later Thomas, oh and don’t be late for school! Mwuah! Byeeeee!

Lenore hung up the phone. She kept laughing manically aloud. She grabbed more bacon and other things around the kitchen.

Wally woke hearing her laugh. He stood up fast to grab his head and sit down for a moment.

Wally walks into the kitchen to see Lenore with all the burners going.

WALLY

Gooood-morn-ing?

LENORE

Yes! A very good morning indeed! I’m going to blow up the safe!

WALLY

What? Blow it up? Ha, ha. No. What do you mean?

LENORE

I took chemistry. I took cooking. I have also worked the past 15 years in retail to see everything through the check stands and know what items need IDS and what items are bought together by druggies!

WALLY

Huh?

LENORE

I’m going to blow up the safe! Hand me the kitty litter!

WALLY

What!

LENORE

No! Pull out the blue pieces of the kitty litter.

WALLY

Wait? There’s a cat in here?

LENORE

I don’t know, but I found it and we need it! Come on! Help me!

WALLY

Lenore. Think about this? I don’t think this is a good idea. We got drunk last night and maybe we got carried away yesterday trying to open the safe. Let’s be reasonable.

LENORE

No! I broke into a home! Destroyed it! What else can I do but try to achieve that sweet, sweet victory for both of us! All of us! We’ve come this far buddy, now we have to go out with a bang.

WALLY

Umm...

SCENE 23 INT. LIVING ROOM - DAWN

Lenore and Wally hold multiple bowls, pots, and cups of things by the safe. They each have on oven mits, face masks, pots on the head, and aprons.

LENORE

Alright. One more time, I say, 1-2-3, but not right away, you dump 1, 2, and 3. As soon as that timer ends on my phone you grab the fire extinguisher and that jar of shells in sand. Ready?

WALLY

Are you sure?

LENORE

Wally!

WALLY

Alright! I thought I was the pushy one. I see why you’re so reserved and cautious. I don’t think I ever want to play games with you.

LENORE

Shut up! Ready!

Lenore pours grease at the top corner of the safe. It starts to drip down.

LENORE

She pours more things on it and dumps flour all over it.

LENORE

Lenore checked her timer. She dumped the rest of her items.

LENORE

3! Stand back!

The timer on her phone went off shortly.

WALLY

AHHHH!

Lenore looked at Wally. Nothing happened.

WALLY

Sorry. I just though-

BOOM!

A small explosion happned with a fire breakin out. The smoke alarms went off. Wally began to spray the fire extinghiser.

LENORE

Wally! Wall- Wally!

Wally stopped.

LENORE

The fire, not the safe.

WALLY

Right!

Wally and Lenore put out the fires around to watch the one burn out on the safe.

They are both sad looking at the safe.

LENORE

Well... we tried.

Wally places his hand on Lenore’s shoulder as he stands beside her.

WALLY

Yeah-

The safe creaked opened.

LENORE

Oh my god!

WALLY

We did it!

Wally raised his hand for a high five! Lenore gave him one and they hugged.

LENORE

We did it! We actually did it!

WALLY

Man! I was like all no way your crazy and now its like *beep* yeah and you da man! I mean...

LENORE

Yeah I got bigger balls than you getting the safe open. Of course that makes me ‘da man!

WALLY

Wait? What’s inside.

LENORE

Oh no. Those papers...

Wally pulled out a clump of papers. He sifted through them fast.

WALLY

Look! Realestate reality contract for 11278 gaylord! Ah-ha! This is it! Look! Wally and Lenore Sheermore. That’s my SS#.

He shows it to Lenore.

LENORE

Yep. That’s Mine! Huh! We actually did it! Wait... So that means...

WALLY

We get to keep the house! Yeah!

LENORE

Yes! Well... the one we sort of destroyed.

WALLY

Ah, what’s a bit of soap and water with paint and putting a new bookcase over this wall. Beats putting a downpayment down for this baby!

Wally kisses the papers.

WALLY

Thank you fake Wally and Lenore! Ah! I could cry.

LENORE

You can cry Wally. I will not think less of you.

WALLY

I just may. I see a future again.

Lenore pats him on the back.

SCENE 24 INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNING

The cop returns to ignore the mess and burns in the house. He is shocked when Lenore and Wally found all the contracts for purchasing the house and that everything checks out to be legally their house in their names. The cop leaves. Mr. Gable pledges he will make their life hell and find a way to get them locked up.

The police arrive with a warrant for the arrest of Lenore and Wally.

WALLY

Welcome back! No need to grab the cuffs. We have everything ready.

The cops walk in and look around at the burn marks and broken decorations.

OFFICER PARKER

Well... the papers are official. Background check confirms your identities. The letter you gave me from the courts yesterday is official. I can’t arrest you for anything if this is your house in your names and information. You two are the real Wally and Lenore and this is your home.

MR. GABLE

No! I knew the real Sheermores!

WALLY

You knew frauds! And we have the right to this in our name!

MR. GABLE

Oh! I will find a way.

LENORE

Umm? Is that a threat? In our own home? We’ve done nothing wrong.

MR. GABLE

Just you wait! I will get to the bottom of this. I will find out what happened to my friends. And if I don’t... oh!

OFFICER PARKER

Is that a threat?

MR. GABLE

Simply a goal. A goal. A great one I might add! I will be watching you two!

Mr. Gable makes his leave. The officer continues reading information and Wally and Lenore get on their phones.

They high five!

- Screen freezes.

ACT 4

SCENE 25 - CLIFFHANGER

Lenore pulls up the house with Thomas as a moving truck showed up. She waves to Wally who was in the garage sorting boxes. He waves and yells for Daisy.

They four meet up in the driveway.

LENORE

So, I guess we’re going to do this.

WALLY

Yeah! Who wouldn’t want to live here! It’s our house! For free! Mostly...

DAISY

Sorry for the voicemail. Wally filled me in.

LENORE

Thank you. I really appricate that.

THOMAS

So, like... we’re guna live here. I mean... who get’s what? Who’s room is who’s? I have a show to watch, do I get to use the TV now?

They all look at one another.

The frame freezes.

End Credits.

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